I’m attempting to restart this blog of mine. It has been neglected for one and a half years for good reasons, I promise. ;] My last post was 5 days before my 30 years of being “Helen Yang” ended and I became a “Mrs. Choe”. Big change!! [Sometimes I don’t think brides-to-be have time think or digest how much of life changes with the thrill of a new journey of marriage ahead of them. But that’s not the point of this post here.]

Many other things have also changed–
Where I live (we’re back in Cali for long term after moving from Tacoma and traveling and earning the title “world travelers”);
What I do most of my time (cleaning, cooking, a lot of house related stuff, traveling with Joe for his work and trying to figure out what I am suppose to be doing as we’ve been pretty mobile);
Finding our niche in our new community that Joe and I both love (although we’re both sad we had to “let go” of our familiar families in Tacoma and Hawaii) and etc…

Still many things remain as before, mostly things that are innately in me, like personality or customary things I grew up doing. Things that you don’t realize about yourself until there’s someone (my husband, in this case) who is constantly holding you accountable, whether you like it or asked for it or not (and I do the same to him; its inevitable in marriage). You feel as though your every move and words are under a microscope. It’s a very refining yet exhausting phenomena. You’re like a dirty rag constantly wet with your own sin and being wrung out to be purified. Ouch.

Hahaha…. Perhaps I’m making marriage sound horrible and hard. It is hard but not horrible. I’m so thankful that God is with me- He strengthens me, understands me, rocks me back and forth for comfort and hushes me when I can’t seem to calm myself down. I don’t know how people do life without God. And that constant being wrung out, purification process becomes a beautiful thing which I feel many of us might resent if don’t stop and reflect what life is to be. Life is not our own– we died to ourselves that Christ may live in us… That the Almighty God, who full of love and grace, is building us in our spirit (through our momentary troubles) a glorious and victorious life with Him forever…
And thus, marriage is a beautiful gift by which we learn of:
God’s unconditional love (seriously, how many times I have rejected to love Joe because of my selfishness… Thank you Lord that your love is not fickle and thank you Joe for sticking by me at my worst)
God’s grace and mercy that is renewed daily (we must be quick to forgive and quick to ask for forgiveness lest we want ourselves to slowly and unawarely become a monster filled with anger and bitterness)
His servant heart (oh, how hard it is to surrender my rights, emotions and entitlements and to choose to serve the other first but oh how beautiful and freeing it is to let it down knowing our place in life)
-There’s so much more to our loving King…. And it’s humbling, many times you feel naked and ashamed but I just love to picture our King covering us with His robe of righteousness because of His finished work on the cross…

So, for one or many reasons, I’m really thankful for the “re:starts” that we get daily. Only after writing down the subject line of “re:start” did I sigh in relief that today I start new… Yesterday’s victory or losses don’t count but I get to stand on my two feet, not condemned nor prideful but loved.

Re:newed, re:fresh, re:align… re:born. Through Jesus we were given the privilege of a new birth into His royal family. What a blessing we have in Jesus. 🙂

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

2 Corinthians 5: 17-21

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